i love my child with all of my heart. I miss her when i don't have her for a night because i have to work. I miss her when i have a well deserved and desperately needed night out (which 90% of the time is simply the time after i get out of work until morning)...i cannot for the life of me understand how or why someone would purposely decide to not to participate in what is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
so yesterday was father's day right...eva spent it with me and her grandfather and jordan, who god bless has stepped up and committed to being in this family and being in her life and loving her almost as much as i do. not a phone call from her father. in fact the only contact i've had with him in the last three weeks was a spat on saturday about of course his lack of taking responsibility and the consequences he has put upon himself...the court doesn't take too lightly to 2 grand in back child support. he never calls to see her, he never even calls to ask how she is or to talk to her on the phone, he doesn't pay besides what the government has taken without him being able to say no, he is a non entity in her life 98% of the time. i'm sick of it and literally sick about it.
i just don't understand, and i guess i had way too much faith in the potential i thought that i saw. he never talked about his father because he thought it was bullshit that he didn't make the effort to see him and then he turns around and does the same thing to eva? how is he gonna feel when she's 22 and hates him and has been calling another man daddy for the last 20 years?
wtf do i do? because i'm over it. i work my ass off to support my family and i make sacrifices for it every day and i honestly don't even think she crosses his mind on a daily basis.
but i assume it's much easier to do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want and to not have a job for 8 months and to just pretend like you aren't the stupidest fucking person on the planet for missing out on this amazing child than to actually give a shit.