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Tuesday, June 24th, 2008
12:35 pm - HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVA!!!
my baby is 2 years old. how weird is that? she's a little kid now. BIZARRE.
people aren't lying when they tell you how fast time goes by when you have a baby. last night and this morning i was telling jordan what was happening at that point when i was giving birth...it seems like yesterday and i was a little bummed out so being the good boyfriend he is he dealt with the details...

i love my little family.

current mood: excited

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Monday, June 16th, 2008
12:13 pm - i just don't even know what to do at this point...
how do you get someone to grow up and take even a little bit of responsibility?
i love my child with all of my heart. I miss her when i don't have her for a night because i have to work. I miss her when i have a well deserved and desperately needed night out (which 90% of the time is simply the time after i get out of work until morning)...i cannot for the life of me understand how or why someone would purposely decide to not to participate in what is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
so yesterday was father's day right...eva spent it with me and her grandfather and jordan, who god bless has stepped up and committed to being in this family and being in her life and loving her almost as much as i do. not a phone call from her father. in fact the only contact i've had with him in the last three weeks was a spat on saturday about of course his lack of taking responsibility and the consequences he has put upon himself...the court doesn't take too lightly to 2 grand in back child support. he never calls to see her, he never even calls to ask how she is or to talk to her on the phone, he doesn't pay besides what the government has taken without him being able to say no, he is a non entity in her life 98% of the time. i'm sick of it and literally sick about it.
i just don't understand, and i guess i had way too much faith in the potential i thought that i saw. he never talked about his father because he thought it was bullshit that he didn't make the effort to see him and then he turns around and does the same thing to eva? how is he gonna feel when she's 22 and hates him and has been calling another man daddy for the last 20 years?
wtf do i do? because i'm over it. i work my ass off to support my family and i make sacrifices for it every day and i honestly don't even think she crosses his mind on a daily basis.
but i assume it's much easier to do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want and to not have a job for 8 months and to just pretend like you aren't the stupidest fucking person on the planet for missing out on this amazing child than to actually give a shit.

current mood: pissed off

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Monday, June 2nd, 2008
10:51 pm - bleck...
my picture looks nothing like me any more...
it's a good three or four years old...i don't even remember...
but there's just some reason i can't take it down, yes i'm a lot thinner in it but you can't really tell because it's all scene kid pic angles and only shot from the mid-boob up...AND the only reason i was thinner is because it was mid alcoholism and pre-baby...i hate seeing that bathroom wall every time i come lurk on the few people who still post on here...
and this entire rant is random because i actually came to vent and then realized i didn't really want to vent to complete strangers and started ranting about something else...

i'm bored and lonely right now sorry.


anyone who may have actually wanted an update: i cried yesterday because we got rid of eva's crib and she's now sleeping in a big girl bed...she's not a baby anymore and i sobbed...

current mood: bored

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Sunday, October 28th, 2007
11:23 pm - but honey...



could someone please tell me why that when jordan and i were searching for rings this one got immediately vetoed?

for real.

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Saturday, October 27th, 2007
6:40 pm
sometimes things make me go hmmm...

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Thursday, October 18th, 2007
5:35 pm - fall is my favorite...
* jordan being home makes life better...
* i'm super stoked about my new ipod...
* eva went from walking to running in about a day...i'm tired.
* last night was really fun, great people great times...
* i'm very happy about the recent large amounts of female bonding time...it's really nice to have that company for when jordan is gone...or simply having someone you can just call at any point of the day and have that immediate support system...we're the sex in the city girls without the money and the amazing shoes...

and it's date night. life can't get better right now.

current mood: excited

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Friday, September 7th, 2007
2:11 pm - insert some sort of meaningful song lyric here...
there are just moments when you realize how different everything really is now...
yesterday was a day entirely filled by them.

current mood: sad

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Friday, June 29th, 2007
8:41 am - i want a boyfriend not a postcard...
there's nothing worse than simply feeling like you aren't a priority to someone that you love...

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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
12:56 pm - wow...i look like none of these people...

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Saturday, May 5th, 2007
10:24 am - i wanna be your last, first kiss...
i was just realizing that all of my posts for almost the last year have been about Evangeline...granted she is the BIGGEST deal ever to happen to me but i've been really neglectful of the other things going on in my life...
so this will be an Eva free post starting NOW!

I'm happy. How's that for a news flash? I am head over heels crazy in love with a man who is quite possibly the best, most honest, caring, considerate, loyal, hilarious guy i've ever been with. I'm giddy, and i haven't been giddy in a really long time. And seeing as how his job means he will be out of town for chunks of time, i'm hoping we avoid that unhealthy co-dependency that always seems to form and help ruin my relationships...GRANTED i miss the boy like CRAZY...i've gotten to see him for not even 24 hours in the last two months and still won't be able to see him for another 10 or so days which sucks BIGTIME...but is so worth it! Wednesday when he was in town was the best day i've had in SO long, just because i cherished every second that he and i got to spend together. And every day just being able to talk to him seems to mean so much more...i trust him, and i trust myself with him and even with him away i feel secure...damn this is making me miss him more so on to the next subject...


why is that so tiny?!?!?!?!?

Still working at Gardella's...it's really nice to have a job and to work with people that enjoy hanging out with eachother outside of work...it makes being at work seem less like working. Like Sunday, for example, I went to the Anberlin concert and was going to meet up with my wifey, Jennifer, at the intersection...well on my way i get a text from another co-worker to come to taps to meet up with four other people i work with and then we ALL went to the show, and then to Billy's and it was a BLAST...and girl's night out when like six of us girls all went out to dinner and then out and about...i love that...

Should be moving out soon...hopefully by june...i need to get out of this house...

okay i'm sorry but i can't make it without telling you that Eva hung out with the haste the day boys on wednesday...and they all immediately fell in love with her...cause she's once again that freakin' sweet...

current mood: loved

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Thursday, April 26th, 2007
9:11 am - i'm not talking to myself anymore...
eva keeps saying "hi!"...
she has this little sing songy girlie voice and it's adorable...
god this mommy thing is amazing.

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Wednesday, April 11th, 2007
10:19 am - you know what is hilarious...
reading all of my old posts about eva and wondering when the hell she got so big and when she became this tiny person as opposed to an infant...
it's amazing...
she is most definately the greatest thing i have ever done...



oh yeah and she's metal as hell...then again she did decide she wanted to come out after listening to dragonforce...

current mood: exhausted

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Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
5:58 pm - you're all school and summer...no class.
-I want you just this way. To never have to go away.
From you. From US. Allways kissing, adored.
The rest. And smiling. To hold you when we're
happy, we're lazy. Sad. When you're stubborn.
When you're brave. When you're mad. When you're
scorned. But allways beside me and my moods.

-mark z. danielewski



**i think i figured it out...maybe***

current mood: confused

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Thursday, December 7th, 2006
12:47 am - have a look at this...


current mood: silly

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Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
7:47 pm - Chunky monkey...
17lbs. 5 oz. and 25in long (or tall depending on how you look at it)...
she's short and fat...and oh so cute...

we benzin's make ADORABLE babies...fat but adorable...

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Monday, November 20th, 2006
2:48 pm - someday maybe i'll have something really worth posting...
*i'm sitting on the internet patiently waiting to buy my mother josh groban tickets...
*eva's playing on the floor being even louder than normal, whoever taught my daughter how to yell is gonna get it...
*my brother got a Wii yesterday, then because he's really sweet like that he needed to text me a picture of it with Twilight Princess...SO MEAN.
*keith has an overabundance of breakfast meat and won't save some for his bff...that is also quite mean...
*evangeline is all about sweet potatos...
*i've got nothing else really...sorry i conned you into reading me wasting time :-)

current mood: bored

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Friday, October 27th, 2006
2:13 pm
i need $150 and a new job, like yesterday.

current mood: exhausted

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Saturday, August 26th, 2006
5:10 pm - la la la (fill it in yrself) la la la...
#1.
Eva now weighs 9lbs. 14 1/2 oz, and she is 21 inches long...she is very tiny...babies are born bigger than she is on a regular basis...my daughter is gonna be a tiny little thing i think...she's looking more and more like me every day, it makes me giddy...


#2. my birthday is in two days...nick is sick of hearing about it...but he can deal...it's how i do...

current mood: giddy

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Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
3:26 pm - she's got the prettiest blue eyes EVER.
*i love that Evangeline smiles now...and that she's starting to makes sounds and pretends to talk...

*her big cousin lucas is her bestest buddy...speaking of really cute things it's on the top of the list as well...some of you may know that my nephew has a lack of most motor skills from his condition...WELL whenever he sees Eva he gets so excited and if you hold her up to him he will hug her, keep in mind he doesn't have very many purposeful movement so this is a BIG deal...AND the other day they were laying on the floor at my parents and they were making sounds back and forth like they were talking AND Lucas kept his arm that normally would be flailing around very still and against his chest (to the point that it was shaking) so as not to hit Eva...he's going to be such a good big brother...

*there was nothing cuter than the smile evangeline got yesterday when (in all attempts to calm her crying fit down) i rubbed her blankie on her little nose...it was SO adorable...i almost cried

current mood: in love

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Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
6:47 pm - "if we're keeping score..."
a.my baby screams bloody murder, for no apparent reason for hours out of the day...i love her more than anything but she makes me cry...i hope this phase passes soon...
b.it was nick's birthday yesterday...we went on a baby-free date, it was nice...(even if i'm too tired/stressed/insane half the time lately for it to show i do love you bip)
c.i was told about something today that i hadn't noticed earlier...it made me laugh...and not in a good way...it's just been added to the list, a sort of running tally if you will...

i'm off to tend to Eva...it's a good thing i can type fast...

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